Lucky Goodbyes

When I was ten I went to Mexico with my mom, dad, and sister. Most of what I remember from that trip was that it was the vacation of many firsts. It was the first time (at an age I could remember) I had visited my mothers family in Mexico, had my hair braided at the beach, went to a fair, and experienced a heartbreaking goodbye. I had met my great-grandmother, grandmother, and several other aunts. A family full of strong women. I grew to love my family in the short amount of time I had been there.

For a ten year old child it was a wonderful memory, but it was very hard saying goodbye. I remember that I had hugged everyone, jumped in the truck; and as I waved goodbye from the back window, tears came streaming down my face uncontrollably.

Most ten year olds cry when mom and dad don't buy them a toy, when they fall down, or get their feelings hurt. But there I was, crying immensely- believing that maybe I would never see them again or that the following summer it would be different.

Now that I have become an adult and I have to say goodbye I think about me ten year old self waving from the car window, imagining that I'd never see the people I enjoyed being around.

Saying goodbye has always been my least favorite and most difficult thing for me to do. Just recently I had to go through this process all over again; but this time it was different. After living in Spain for two years I became accustomed to the people, the city, and the culture; it all became a small part of me. Once again I had to say my farewells; and although it was difficult at first, the feeling subsided. I had said all my goodbyes to everyone I knew, and while each time was sad, there was a sense of "I'll see you again, someway, somehow".

Bittersweet I guess, would be the right word to describe it. This utter sadness that I know will prompt me to believe that things will be alright in the end.

My ten year old self has grown to be more mature and grown, but I still cry every time I have to go. It's a part of life and as we get older I think we may become used to it, at least I hope to. However, I am sure that when you know in your heart you won't ever see someone again, it is a different kind of goodbye.

For instance, I ran into a friend at the airport- coincidentally. She said she was on her way back to her country to say goodbye to her grandmother who was sick. Although I was glad to see her, under the circumstances it was clear that her grandmother's goodbye would be more impactful than our own.

That's life. In most cases goodbyes are forever, cold, unpleasant; and other times its bittersweet. The only positive thing about saying goodbye is knowing that they are the result of us forming friendships and relationships out of love. Companionships that will last forever no matter the distance and time that lays in between. Goodbyes are common, they are necessary, and they reveal to us that moments with others are precious.

"How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard". -Winnie the Pooh